I shared last September about our Six Flags trip for Wes' company's family picnic. I had a million reasons not to go (it was surface-of-the-sun hot, I was 8 months pregnant, we had a 1 year old, there is nothing to do at Six Flags for a pregnant lady or 1 year old, etc.) but I chose to go anyway because I knew my husband wanted to. He thought it would be fun for us, he wanted to spend all the free coupons because he saw it as a great challenge, and the one thing I didn't really think about was he was proud of his family and wanted to show us off. Now women aren't really big into that stuff, but once I realized it, that hit my heart. He was PROUD of us and wanted other people to see how awesome we were! That idea was so powerful that I had to say 'yes.' If I had said no it wouldn't have been a big deal because he knew what a pain it was going to be for me. But the fact that I was willing to put all that aside showed him how much I respected and loved him.
I also shared about choosing a name for our daughter. This one I'm much less proud of. Wes wanted the honor of choosing her name and I agreed. But my reactions to the names he suggested were less than honorable. I'm sure I made him feel like he wasn't good enough or I didn't trust him. That's not something I ever want to convey to my husband, which I confessed and apologized to him for. Her name is what God revealed to my husband and I love it. I may have had a gentle hint from Him, too. Sweet Melanie has the best Daddy ever!
The Holy Spirit has kept this idea and these stories on my heart for a reason: it was meant to be shared. I am human and selfish and sinful and I have to work on myself and my marriage. The day I stop is the day I'll be in Heaven. So if you are looking for a few things you can do to honor your husband today, here you go:
1. When he comes home, stop everything you are doing (when possible), meet him, greet him with a hug and a kiss, and give him your undivided attention (again, when possible, those little ones are dangerous when ignored). I am so guilty of NOT doing this. Now it's one thing if you're changing a diaper, or are in the middle of cutting up chicken for dinner, but when my butt is on the couch and I'm reading or watching TV, I don't really have any excuse for not shutting the TV off and getting up to greet him. It shows him I'm not overly thrilled that he's home and whatever I'm doing is more important than him. It's funny, because when one of the kids gets up from a nap or I have been somewhere without them and I first see them, I go totally crazy! I surely don't ignore them and keep watching TV or find a chore to start. That begs the question "What if I show my husband the amount of excitement I show my kids when I see them?" He'd probably think I had a mental problem and needed to lie down, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be upset or let down because I ignored him.
Point of action: When your husband gets home today (or tomorrow), meet him, greet him, and give him your attention. See what happens!
2. When he comes home, let him talk first: Ooooh, this is a hard one. This is especially hard for me because I am at home with the kids all day long and don't get a lot of adult interaction. I'm so happy he is home so I can talk to an adult, and I will just unload. He has been focused all day on work and he needs time to decompress (as Wes likes to put it). Me loading him up with things will not help him relax. When I listen to him first, I am showing him that I care about his day and what he has been through to provide for us. Telling him I appreciate what he does is good, but showing interest in what he does is better.
Point of action: When your husband gets home today (or tomorrow), meet him, greet him, and give him your attention so he can tell you about his day FIRST.
3. Hold your tongue: We are so quick to throw our spouses under the bus, but how quick are we to lift them up? I'm not talking about verbally bashing our husbands, I'm talking about those embarrassing stories we tell, or the joking little jabs we can give. You and your husband may joke that he can't do handiwork, but bringing it up in public for a laugh can bruise his ego. You may burn dinner one night and laugh about it together, but how would you feel if he brought it up with company? I can guarantee that part of you will feel a little self conscious about it. No matter how harmless if may seem, THINK ABOUT IT before you divulge it. And saying 'just kidding' after it DOES NOT MAKE IT OK! You can never take back words. I have made a point to ask him if I can share things with other so I don't unknowingly hurt him.
You are the protector of your husband's heart (and ego). Those little stories can build up and be quite damaging and we don't even know it, because, honestly, not many of us are married to a man who will open up and tell us how we have hurt him emotionally.
4. Compliment him in front of other people: It's easy to tell your girlfriends how great your husband is, but do you do it when he is around, too? You can tell him he is wonderful and how great a man he is in the comfort of his own home, but sharing positive stories or words of affirmation around others is the ultimate honor. It tells him "I respect you and think so highly of you that I want to tell everyone." When you never offer compliments about your husband in front of him, he may not feel that you are proud of him. Ouch!
Point of action: Next time you are around a group, offer 1 positive story or compliment about your husband so he hears it.
5. When he picks up the new Star Trek movie and looks at you with those big puppy dog eyes, say 'yes.' Okay, so I know this exact scenario isn't going to happen to everyone, but it's not just about Star Trek. One evening Wes approached me with a rather guilty and almost embarrassed attitude and said he was thinking about going out to buy Star Trek (at 7 at night, right before Reed's bedtime). He knew it was a ridiculous time to go buy a movie, plus he would be leaving me to do bathtime and bedtime all by myself, so I'm sure he thought I'd say no. I could have rolled my eyes, berated him for wanting to get out of bathtime and bedtime, said it was a stupid movie, etc., but I immediately said "Go right now and get it! I'll watch it with you when you get home." I know he was grateful that I offered to take on bedtime by myself so he could have some alone time (which he probably desperately needed) and I got to show him that I thought his ideas were valid. That totally made his day and we had a great time snuggling on the couch watching the movie.
It's such a silly story, but I know he felt respected and honored.
I am not good at a lot of these things. Especially nowadays when I'm loving on two little ones all day. But I keep trying.
Enjoy!
The Turners
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