No Longer a Loner

I have written this many times, but when we were surprised with Melanie, I wasn't quite sure what to think. I mean, we waited so long for Reed that more children weren't even on my radar. I thought it would be another long wait. But here came the sweetest and most amazing little girl who has my heart.

But before all that wonderfulness, I was worried. I mean, who isn't when they think about bringing home another little one? Now let's throw in the fact that they would only be 16 months apart. That'll get your heart pumping. But I have cousins who are 12 months apart. Exactly. Like, they share a birthday.

Ok, so 16 months isn't so bad.

Anyway, aside from the anxiety, it had to be done. It's amazing what you can get through when you have to.

So I've learned a few things through these 7 months with two sweet babies under 2, and after hearing that our sweet friends are expecting another amazing blessing, I thought I'd share.


1. Don't be afraid to let your oldest watch TV
People say too much TV is a bad thing. I agree. Reed doesn't watch much TV. But there are times when I have utilized the "tele-sitter" for short periods of time.

No, I'm not a bad mom, and neither are you.

This was especially helpful when I had to feed/change/soothe/rock Melanie and needed some space and some quiet to do it. It goes without saying that bringing home a new baby will make your oldest a little clingy, and this was a great way to make Reed happy and help me out.

2. Plan dates with your oldest
Plan to have special time with your oldest. This could be as simple as cuddling or wrestling with them at home, going for a walk, or actually going somewhere for a date. I LOVE these times with Reed. First of all, I find it WAY easier to go anywhere with just one child (what in the world was I complaining about before?) and I get to love on Reed which I know he eats up. We go to the grocery store, or Chick-fil-a for breakfast, or just go outside and run around.

Hangin with Mommy

Yummy Chick-fil-A!

Playing outside! 

3. Let your oldest help
Did you just have a minor freak-out? I did when I thought of Reed (itty bitty boy that he was) trying to 'help.' I could see things strewn everywhere, stuff spilled all over the floor, and me pulling my hair out.

I was a little uptight, can't you tell?

Anyway, having two children has really chilled me out. I mean, things are already strewn everywhere and stuff is always spilled all over the floor. How can letting Reed help make things worse?

I started by asking Reed to pick things up that were dropped. That was easy.
Then we graduated to 'go get this for me.' Piece of cake.
And finally the 'can you put sister's diaper away for me?' JACKPOT!!!

It made Reed feel needed, and when I praised him for a job well done, he got the attention he needed and was so proud of himself.

Now I have Reed help with almost everything.
-Laundry: he gets laundry out of the dryer and pushes the basket to the living room. He even occasionally puts clothes away.


-Cleaning: Reed LOVES the vacuum and dust buster. I let him go crazy. Even if every nook and cranny isn't cleaned, it's better than it was.

-Cooking: Yes, I let him help with the cooking. No, he's not putting things in the hot oven or grilling meat, but he does what he is capable of and learns a lot in the process. He helps wash fruit and vegetables. He can tear lettuce for salad. He even helped me make hamburgers one night. He really liked squishing it between his fingers. Having Reed help cook gives him a vested interest in the food, which means he's more likely to eat it.

And here he is helping daddy 'make' cookies.

 

Reed is a big helper when I have to wash veggies for dinner.

 

Sounds like child labor, right? Well this is like a four-bird-with-one-stone-thing.
1. I get stuff done
2. Reed learns how to do things
3. I get to spend time with my little boy
4. Reed feels great because he helped



4. Take advantage of naptime
Whatever you decide to do, DO IT! Naptime doesn't last long or come around every day in some cases, so don't waste it.
Some of my naptime faves:
-shower/bath
-sleep
-catching up on a show
-home project
-workout
-blogging


5. Let them hold the baby
Ok, now I know your heart is racing. Did I really let an 18 month old hold a baby?

Yes.

Calm down, it was with some serious supervision.

Reed had no idea what to make of Mel when he first met her as seen here:

Since he had no idea what was going on, he needed a little help. He had to figure out what she was. Kids do that by observing and touching.

 

 

It has to develop some loving feelings between the two, especially the oldest, because that 'thing' you hold all the time and love on, now they get to hold. Reed LOVES holding Melanie. He gets so excited when I ask if he'd like to hold her. It's much easier now because she can sit up on her own so I'm only worried about Reed pushing her over. He's very loving. Which brings us to the next tip:

 

6. Baby gates



Reed is a very loving boy. He loves hugs and kisses and wrestling. Not a good combination with a newborn baby. He didn't' know his own strength (still doesn't) and didn't know what 'gentle' meant. I couldn't trust him near Melanie without some serious adult support. For this reason, Mel wasn't on the floor for the first 3 months of her life without two adults around.


Some of Reed's 'gentler' moments:

And if you didn't know, 16 month olds are busy little people. Trying to change a diaper and watch what Reed was doing became quite difficult. He could open all our doors and get into areas we didn't want him in, so I had to do something. The baby gate became a great friend. We always had one blocking off the front of the house, but we needed additional support.

Melanie lived in our room until we moved to Midland. There was no reason to set up a room for her when we'd be taking it all down in a month. So we had the pack-n-play set up with stocks of diapers and clothes. This meant I was going in and out a lot to change diapers/clothes and put a sleepy baby to bed. Having Reed running around the room was not desired, so I set up a baby gate at the door. That way he could still see what was going on without being in the room, and I could leave the door open to listen for Mel without Reed running in there and waking her up. It was a great solution. Even here we had to set up a gate to separate the living areas from the bedrooms. On more than one occasion I found Reed in a sleeping Melanie's room with his hand through the slats holding her hand (or shaking it vigorously). Bless her heart, she slept through it all, but it prompted some action.

So, whether it is to keep a toddler at bay or a baby sleeping peacefully, baby gates worked well for us.

 

7. Humble yourself and ask for help
I suck at this, but I think most people do. We live in a society of go-getters and do-it-yourselfers. Libraries and bookstores are full of self-help books and it's seen as a sign of weakness if you can't do it by yourself.

But kids have a unique way of simultaneously draining you physically, mentally, and emotionally. To be the best Mommy you can be, you need to recharge. Ask for help. Even if it's just 20 minutes of someone holding the baby and making sure the others don't die while you grab a shower.

I like running an errand by myself when Wes gets home from work. I get some much needed "me time" and an errand done as well.

For serious. Your sanity is important.


8. And never underestimate the value of practice. While you have some help and a level head around, practice the things you'll have to do solo:
-putting the kids in the car
-grocery shopping
-going for a walk
-dropping kids off at daycare/school

And anything else you may have to do with more than one child. This is a huge help!



Life with two kids was an adjustment, but I wouldn't change it for anything!

Enjoy!

The Turners